Anime Goes in for Therapy
by CeeKari
Summary: Characters from DNAngel, FY, Inuyasha, FMA, Gundam Wing, Vampire Game, Chobits, and Demon Diary are sent in for counseling. Insanity ensues!
1. Enter the Psychiatrists

This fic is a work by both my friend Mitzy and I. It took us months to finish, and there are still some errors to be worked out, I'm sure. If you spot any error, whether spelling/grammar, or plot holes (I'm afraid some characters may show up before they even enter the office…) please let me know and I'll do my best to fix it

Warnings: Mailbox murder, innuendo, and numerous anime characters with psychological issues.

**Prologue**

"Darn it all, we're gonna be late!" Chrissy cursed as Mitzy swerved to avoid yet another trash can. "I'm going fast as I can, ya know!" Mitzy yelled back. There was a thump, and Chrissy could see a poor dead mailbox in her rearview. "Mitzy! Do you hate mailboxes that much!"

Mitzy smiled evilly and looked at Chrissy. "Only when there are bills in them."  
"Would you please- WATCH THE ROAD!"

The car's wheels thumped over the median into the Counseling Facility Parking Lot. Mitzy swerved into the nearest parking spot, not even bothering to stop the car before jumping out. Chrissy hastily leaped out as well. Both shrinks watched as the car rolled across the parking lot and bumped into a rather expensive looking blue convertible. "Oops." Mitzy squeaked. Chrissy gave an exasperated sigh. I hope we make enough today to cover any those damages…"

_Bonus Chapter – Innuendo…_

Chrissy: I hate bomb threats. How are we supposed to fic if we can't go to newspaper?

Mitzy: Sometimes I think that's all you think about: ficking ficking ficking!

Chrissy: I can't help it! I like to fic!

Britty: (exasperated) Why don't you go fic with each other somewhere else?

Mitzy: Cause I don't feel like ficking right now!

Chrissy: Fine then! Britty'll fic with me, won't you?

(Looong silence)

(Burst of giggles)

Chrissy: That really doesn't sound right!

Mitzy: Yeah, and besides, you can't fic with her, I'm your ficking partner!

(More giggles)

Britty: ; Um, guys? People are giving you weird looks now...

Chapter One – Enter the Psychiatrists 

Once both therapists were in the office, they were instantly attacked. Mitzy took cover from the various objects hurtling through the air, but Chrissy was too slow and took a hit to the head from a flying dictionary. Mitzy darted out to drag the dazed Chrissy behind the waiting room chairs. Beyond the legs of the chairs, the two could see the whole scene.

"What's going on? We never have this many patients!" wailed Mitzy.

"It's probably a good thing; we'll need that cash to pay for what you did to the convertible!"

Near the receptionist's desk, a cute young girl with odd ears was holding on to an embarrassed boy about her age, who appeared to be reading a rather 'interesting' magazine. The girl looked at it and said something about, "Is she average sized?" Another woman with a loose ponytail and a major boomerang was angrily chucking magazines at a monk, who had apparently been hitting on a pretty purple-haired lady. A set of twins was seated on the couch, and every now and then the one on the left would point out an attractive man and the other would glare at her. To both therapists alarm, one of the patients appeared to be holding a gun at his side, fingers twitching, while a young blonde man and a brown-haired man with an exceedingly anti-gravitational hairstyle tried to back away very slowly. Mitzy and Chrissy wondered how on earth the man kept his hair like that. Gel, maybe?

Slowly, watching for flying magazines this time, Chrissy and Mitzy stood. "Excuse me?" Chrissy peeped. Mitzy rolled her eyes.

**"HEY!"** Mitzy yelled, quite loudly. All flying objects fell to the floor, as did quite a few of the people. Realizing everyone was looking at her, Mitzy sweatdropped. "Um, sorry we're late?"

"We can take prisoners- er, patients now," Chrissy said, wondering how on earth they would survive shrinking all these psychos. They were loonier than she was!

Suddenly, a young boy, maybe fourteen, walked in with his mother, but the shrinks didn't have time to ask for names before the mother set about propositioning every man in the room. She received a wide variety of interesting looks before the monk, dragging the woman with the boomerang behind him, finally approached her.

"Will you bear my children?"

"… father my son?" they asked simultaneously. In the background, the woman's son was trying to get her attention, calling out, "Hey, mom! You already have a son! Remember me, your son Daisuke? Your son!" However, before either could answer, boomerang-girl had dragged her partner to the door, growling, "We're first."


	2. Of Demonslayers, Monks, and Alchemists

Chapter Two – Perverts and Demon Slayers 

Once inside the counseling room, Chrissy, Mitzy, and the patients, whose names were Miroku and Sango, sat down.

"So…" began Chrissy. "Inkblot?" she asked Mitzy. Mitzy nodded and held up a card. "What do each of you see?" she asked.

Sango answered first. "An evil demon."

Miroku looked surprised. "Really? I think it's a beautiful woman."

Sango glared at him. Chrissy and Mitzy shared nervous glances, wondering if they were about to witness a murder. "Um, Inkblot 2!" She said quickly, holding up the second card.

Sango, distracted for the moment, looked at the card. "It's my brother!" She yelled, snatching the card from Mitzy. Mitzy sweatdropped. "Word association?" she suggested.

Chrissy nodded. "Um, I'll say a word, and you guys say the first thing that comes to your mind, ok?" Sango nodded, still hugging the inkblot.

"Life,"

"Slaying demons," said Sango.

"Women," said Miroku.

"Love?"

"Revenge," said Sango.

"Women," said Miroku.

"Hobby?"

"Training," said Sango.

"Picking up women," said Miroku.

"Sadness?"

"My brother," said Sango.

"No women," said Miroku.

Mitzy and Chrissy looked at each other. "You may return to the waiting room for a break."

_Omake – Bloopers and Blunders_

(1)

(offscreen, in the waiting room)

(Mitzy and Chrissy walk in)

Chrissy: Heya Flueky. Watcha doing? (glances at the computer)

Mitzy: O.O; Eeep!

Flueky: Hey! Go away!

Chrissy: Geez, how do they get into those positions?

Mitzy: That looks painful…

Flueky: Quit looking over my shoulders!

Chrissy: Ok, ok…I still think those circus contortionists would break some bones…

Mitzy: Yeah…Hey, tell me that camera isn't recording.

(2)

(Mitzy is driving)

SPLAT!

Chrissy: Do you just hate mailboxes!

Mitzy: … That…wasn't a mailbox…

Chrissy: o.o; What was it…?

Mitzy: OMG! It was Darke!

(Darke in 3 ½ in form is plastered on the windshield)

Darke: Ouch…

Mitzy: OMG! We need to get him to the vet!

Chrissy: Vet! He's not a pet!

Mitzy: Well, would a doctor be able to treat a chibi Darke?

Chrissy: I don't know!

(Darke is hanging on to the windshield wiper)

Darke: Not to interrupt, but I'm sliding off the windshield here! (Mitzy is still driving)

Mitzy: Oh, sorry! (slams on brakes)

(Darke fliesssss…)

(Thump.)

Chrissy: o.o; Um, maybe we should just call 911…

Mitzy: I can't! I don't know the number!

Chrissy: How can you not know the number? It's just 9 and 11!

Mitzy: There's no 11 on this phone!

Darke: x.x Owie… Can I have a scotch? Or a Tylenol? Or both?

Darke is an online friend of ours. In his chibi form, he's a 3 ½ inch bandana-wearing guy with bat wings.

Chapter Three – Alchemic Anger Management 

Back in the waiting room, there was a crash of glass as two unidentified men came through the door, quite literally. Both had braids, but that was about as far as the resemblance went. One was relatively tall, with a black cap and a braid that reached to his knees. Chrissy glanced at Mitzy, who was visibly drooling. She gently pushed Mitzy's jaw back into place. The other, a blonde in a red coat was chasing the first in circles, apparently intending him great bodily injury. Meanwhile, the other patients were watching the spectacle with great interest.

"Geez, chill out! I didn't mean to insult your itty-bitty ego!" yelled the brown-haired one as he ducked behind the patient with the gun. Mitzy and Chrissy wondered if this was really a very safe hiding place. "Heero, help me out here! And where's Wufei?"

The man with the gun, Heero apparently, casually aimed the gun at the guy behind him. "You're late, Duo," he said coldly, "and Wufei managed to escape. Lucky bastard…" Heero held Duo's attacker at bay with one hand, while still keeping Duo at gunpoint.

"Gomenasai! I didn't mean to be so late!" Duo shouted over the string of curses the braided blonde was shouting. " Some crazy person's car was parked across the only three open spots!"

Chrissy looked over at Mitzy sternly, while Mitzy mumbled a barely audible "Oops."

"Ummmm…We can take the next patient now." Chrissy called. Mitzy piped up. "In fact, I think we can take the short one there."

At this, the blonde seemed to lose it. "Do not call me_ SHORT! _My name is EdwardElric! You know, the Fullmetal Alchemist?"

Mitzy and Chrissy looked at each other. "Can't say we've ever heard of you, sorry," said Mitzy.

"But I think some anger management counseling could do you a world of good," Chrissy finished.

And so the two psychiatrists dragged him into counseling.

Once they were in the office, Mitzy locked the door. "Now," she said calmly, "Why don't you tell us your problem?"

Edward, who was being forcibly restrained in a chair by Chrissy, growled, "What _problem_? I don't have a _problem_."

Chrissy and Mitzy exchanged glances. "We think you do," said Chrissy. "Oh, yes," said Mitzy, "You most definitely have problems. Now, I'll say a word, and you say the first thing that comes to mind, ok?

Ed glared.

"Temper," said Mitzy.

"My temper is _fine._"

"Life?"

"Can't be created."

"Family?"

"Al."

"Fire?"

"My house."

"Hand?"

"Metal."

"Short?"

"AM NOT!"

Mitzy finished taking the notes. "Well, I think we know what the problem is. Now, let's find out why."

Chrissy let go of Ed, who was now thoroughly tied to the chair. "I'm going to swing this watch, and you are going to watch it closely."

"Hey! That's MY watch!" Ed shouted, recognizing the symbols.

"Shhh. Just watch the watch. Waaaatch the waaatch…" Chrissy said, swinging the State Alchemist's watch in front of his face.

"Now, tell us about your life. When did the problems start?" Chrissy asked.

"When that freak out there called me pipsqueak and you guys kidnapped me."

"Um, how about a little earlier than that?" Chrissy suggested, holding Mitzy at bay. The shrink was about to kill the patient for calling Duo, whom she obviously had a crush on, a freak.

"Um, well. My dad left us. My mom died because she missed him, and I made her flowers, and people called me short, and we tried to resurrect our mom, and I almost killed my brother, and I lost my arm and leg, but Winry made me some automail, so now I have a kick-ass arm and leg, but my brother is a suit of armor, and-"

"Ok, ok." Chrissy said, pocketing the watch. "I think that's fine for now. You may wait for us in the waiting room," she said after she untied him.

Ed stumbled out of the room in a daze. Chrissy made a gesture indicating the guy was a basket case, and Mitzy nodded. "The world's full of 'em," she said. "Which is a good thing. More money for people like us."


	3. Of Computers and Snacks

Chapter Four – A Computer Obsession 

Chrissy and Mitzy entered the waiting room with caution this time. They checked with the receptionist, a brunette named Flueky, to see if anyone else had checked in. Sure enough, a Satoshi Hikaru had checked in. They spied the newcomer glaring at the young boy who had come in with his mother. The boy looked nervous, probably because his mother was glaring knives, daggers and other sharp objects at the boy who was staring at him. Mitzy took the list of names from Flueky, who was drooling on her keyboard while looking at pictures of her online boyfriend.

Suddenly, there was a scream. "You're a guy!" one of the twins on the couch yelled. The purple haired lady, or, well, everyone else thought it was a lady, looked at the twin. "It's not like you need to worry, I'm not interested in girls."

"I'm not a girl!" The twin yelled back. The other twin looked up. "Um, Duzie?"

Belatedly, Duzie realized that that might not have been the smartest thing to tell her, er…him, just as the dude who looked like a lady glomped him. "Nuriko… get off me!" he yelled.

Mitzy and Chrissy looked at each other, both thinking this was getting very interesting.

"Um, Hideki and Chi? No last names…" Chrissy looked around the room. The magazine reader from earlier stood up. "That's us," he told the blonde girl with funny ears.

Chrissy and Mitzy managed to get the two patients into the room with no problems.

"Now, what seems to be the problem?"

The blonde girl piped in. "Hideki is average-sized!"

Both Mitzy and Chrissy turned an interesting shade of red.

"Chi! I told you not to say that!" yelled Hideki.

"Ah…um… If that's the problem, I think there are other doctors you should… um… talk to," said Mitzy. Chrissy nodded.

"Nononono!" yelled Hideki. "That's not the problem! I mean, I am, but- Argh! I'm in love with my computer!"

Chi glomped the average-sized Hideki. "Hideki loves Chi!"

Mitzy raised an eyebrow. "Sooo, she's a computer."

Chrissy jumped up. "Chi! Can you search for cute single guys around here?"

Chi nodded. "Chi thinks there are some in the waiting room."

Hearing this, Chrissy dashed out of the room, leaving a confused Mitzy to counsel the two lovebirds…love-processors?

Mitzy sighed, then jumped up on her desk. "If you two love each other, go for it! Who cares if others make fun of you or think you're a sick bastard who can't find a real chick! Who cares if they beat you up and burn down your house! YOU SHOULD BE FREE TO LOVE! Besides, you and Chi are really cute."

Hideki and Chi hastily made their way back to the waiting room, afraid of what the shrink might say next, or what Chi might repeat. Mitzy shrugged and went to find her co-worker.

Bonus Chapter – The Gundam Pilots Decide to go to Therapy 

(Heero, Duo, Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei are sitting outside, enjoying the sun)

Duo: Hey, Heero…Do you ever feel like ripping out random people's entrails?

All: o.o

Heero: Yes.

Duo: Think it might be because of the war?

Heero: Hn.

Quatre: I randomly feel like wearing my sisters' dresses.

Trowa: Same here.

Quatre: Catherine doesn't have a dress that will fit you.

Trowa: I know. That's why I'm not wearing one right now.

Quatre: Ah.

Wufei: You know, I'm beginning to think the fanfics are right.

Quatre: What, about you liking Duo?

Wufei: **NO!**

(Quatre and Trowa giggle)

Relena: What's so funny?

Duo: Heero wants to rip out people's entrails, Quatre and Trowa want to wear dresses, and Wufei is in love with me.

Wufei: I AM NOT!

Relena: I think it's time for a visit to the therapist.

Duo: Hey, did you ever notice? If you put a space in therapist, it's the rapist.

Quatre: I don't wanna go to the rapist!

Chapter Five – Fun with Food 

Chrissy was in the waiting room, holding on to Duzell's arm. Duzell himself was looking a little ill. Mitzy took pity on him and pulled Chrissy away. The waiting room was still at a relatively high level of chaos, when there was a knock on the door. Mitzy and Chrissy ran over. Food! They held the door open for the snack deliveryman. It was Matt, a former patient. His old psychologist had given up after two sessions, but he still hung around the office, making himself useful when he could. He made a useful guard, with his unkempt hair, black wings, and horns. People were too afraid to break in.

He always handed out the snacks with a smile, albeit a psychotic one. He did so now as he talked to Mitzy and Chrissy. "So, how's work going?" he asked.

"Same old, same old," Mitzy said as she snatched up her seventh bag of M&Ms. "You?"

"Things are going swell. I'm making a new Star Wars movie, and I haven't caused anyone any major injuries at all this week."

"That's great!" said Chrissy, munching a fudge brownie.

The rest of the waiting room was quite now, except for the crunching and chewing sounds that all anime characters make when eating. That didn't last long however.

"FOOD FIGHT! Heads up, Quatre!" yelled Duo as he hurled a Snickers at the blonde man across from him. The candy bar smacked Quatre in the nose, and he quickly retaliated with a fistful of Skittles, some of which missed and rained onto a young-ish boy's head. "Sorry, Daisuke!" Quatre yelled. His mom, seeing she was in no shape to defend himself, threw a honey-bun at Quatre. He ducked and the bun went sailing over his head. It hit Nuriko, who was still tightly attached to Duzell. "Ishtar! I could use some help!" he yelled at his twin. At this point, all hell broke loose. Nuriko gathered a handful of snacks from the cart and began hurling them with enough force to put holes in the walls… and other patients. Hideki took a Starburst to the forehead and fell. Chi poked him, looking confused.

Chrissy jumped onto a chair. "ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT!"

Ed jumped up. "I'll take a nutty-buddy…in your face!" he yelled as he chucked one at Chrissy. The snack nailed her in the left eye. Thankfully, her glasses stopped it from doing any real damage. However, now she was pissed. With a growl, she hurled a jelly doughnut at Ed.

Ed ducked and the doughnut fell into Duzell's lap. The twins simultaneously jumped up and entered the fight. Mitzy stood by the side, trying to talk reason into the psychos, including her co-worker, when a cupcake plopped onto her head. All thoughts of reasoning with her patients left her mind as she armed herself with a bag of Tostitos and began throwing them Frisbee-style around the room. One of the Frisbee-Tostitos hit Flueky as she peeked over her desk. Flueky, who had always had something of a temper, lost it and entered the fight as well. Matt had been throwing food all along, and he and Flueky teamed up against Chrissy and Mitzy, while all the patients seemed to be fighting indiscriminately. Behind up-turned table, the Gundam pilots were actively engaged in the battle. "Watch it , Trowa!" Quatre yelled. He shoved his friend aside and lobbed a glob of jell-o at Mitzy, who retaliated by climbing over the table and pouring a large box of nerds down the back of his pants. Heero shot Sango in the forehead with a marshmallow from his gun, causing her to fall backwards and land butt-first in large coconut cream pie. The mother who had come in with her son was attempting to strangle Satoshi with a Fruit by the Foot while growling that she'd never let him arrest her little boy. Her son was trying to make her understand that while he didn't want to be arrested, he didn't want her to murder anyone, especially not with a food he happened to like. The fight came to a halt when Nuriko grabbed the entire food cart and swung it across the room, knocking out the majority of the fighters in the process. Chrissy took Nuriko down with a well-aimed Hershey Kiss, and the two shrinks assessed the damage.

Miroku was trying to feel up Sango, using the whipped cream on her rear as an excuse. Nuriko had collapsed onto Duzell, and was refusing to get off. Ishtar was trying not to step in anything while attempting to get Nuriko off him. All the Gundam pilots were still behind the overturned table, which was covered in splattered foodstuff. Their only casualties appeared to be Quatre, from the Snickers, and Heero's gun, which had somehow gotten a jumbo Tootsie Roll jammed in the barrel. Heero was cradling it and glaring at anyone who came near. Ed was attempting to remove a Skittle from his nose, and Chi was systematically picking cupcake sprinkles out of Hideki's hair. Matt and Flueky were munching on various M&Ms and Skittles from the floor.

The room, needless to say, was a complete wreck. Magazines covered the floor, chair and end tables were overturned and _everything_ was covered in food. Several cupcakes and doughnuts were stuck to the ceiling and walls.

And the poor shrinks, Mitzy and Chrissy, were not in great shape either. Chrissy had an M&M or two in one ear and the shape of a nutty-buddy ingrained in her face. Mitzy had frosting in her hair and on her face, and was trying, without success, to reach it with her tongue.

Chrissy gave a final shake of her head, sending the M&Ms flying from her ear, hitting Mitzy in the process.

"Now, can we please have the next patient?" Chrissy asked, smiling like the lunatic that she was.

"ME! I'LL GO!" yelled Duzell, crawling across the floor with Nuriko hanging onto his ankle. Ishtar stepped in to help, calling out an weird foreign language. Nuriko promptly went completely bald. He screamed and let go of Duzell long enough to yell something to the effect of, "My beautiful hair! You're gonna get it, you hag!" On the other side of the room, Duo shuddered and moved as far away from Ishtar as he could.

"Ooops," said Ishtar. "I only meant to electrocute him a little. My bad!" She grabbed Duzell's hand and followed the shrinks, leaving a sobbing, bald Nuriko behind.

As they left, Mitzy turned and shouted, "When we get back, this room had better be spotless or it's 'Omae o korosu' for all of you!"

Duo, who had pretty much started the entire thing, squeaked out a "Yes, Ma'am!"


	4. Of Fangs and Time Warps

Chapter Six - 

Ishtar and Duzell sat down, trying not to get frosting, jell-o, and other less identifiable substances on the chairs. Which proved to be nearly impossible, but Mitzy and Chrissy agreed that it was the thought that counted. Mitzy and Chrissy also sat down carefully.

"Let me guess," said Mitzy. "You are having identity problems because no one can tell you from your twin, am I right?"

Duzell and Ishtar looked at each other. "Actually," said Ishtar, "I came here to hide from my bodyguard, Darres. Although now that you mention it, Duzie could use a little therapy, I think."

"Wait a sec! I thought you said you had relations here! You didn't say they were shrinks!"

Ishtar smiled. "Um, yeah…they're distant cousins or aunts, or something."

Duzell glared. "Ishtar, you had better not even try suggesting I seduce them."

Mitzy and Chrissy both turned bright red.

"Don't worry," said Ishtar. "I wasn't going to. I know you like Illsaide."

Duzell spluttered. "I do _not_!" he yelled.

"Whatever. Maybe if you just ask nice they'll let you bite them," Ishtar said in a stage whisper.

"Um, hey?" Mitzy asked, rather nervous. "Maybe we should try word association or something now?"

Ishtar grinned. "Sounds like fun!"

Mitzy nodded, and decided to try to stick with safer words.

"Animals?" she asked.

"Duzie!" Ishtar yelled, glomping Duzell. Duzell growled.

Duzell glared moodily.

Mitzy gave him a look, but continued anyway. "Family?"

"Falan!" said Ishtar.

"Don't have one."

Chrissy asked, "You have no blood relations at all?"

"Oh, I have a few _blood_ relations…" Duzell said, grinning and showing fangs. Chrissy went pale and shut up quickly.

"Eheheheh. Um, next word? Uh, love?" Mitzy asked, sweatdrops all over her forehead.

"Darres!" Ishtar said, then clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Hunting down Phelios' reincarnation then ripping out his internal organs and dancing in his entrails," said Duzell. "What?" he asked, looking at the two shrinks faces.

"You've been watching Eva again, haven't you, Duzie?" she asked. To the shrinks she whispered, "He really likes Kaworu, especially that one bath scene."

Duzell practically screamed, "I do _NOT_! Geez, why do you always have to make me seem gayer than I already look?"

Ishtar whispered again to the shrinks, "I think he's in denial."

Chrissy nodded. "Maybe getting him to talk will tell us his problem…er, problems." To Duzell she said, "Now why don't you tell us about you life?"

"Lives," Duzell said. "Plural."

Chrissy nodded understandingly. "Yes, tell us about your lives. We'll listen." To herself, she added, 'If you don't freak us out or try to bite us…' She looked at Mitzy and knew she was thinking the same thing.

Duzell sighed. "Ok, it's like this. I was a big powerful mean vampire dude who was bored and wanted to fight with humans, because, let's face it, they're fun to play with. But then some mysterious stuff happened that no one seems clear on and I ended up getting killed by this girl's great grandfather. So I swear revenge on his soul and I get reincarnated and I go around biting people to find him and turning into Ishtar's twin so much that sometimes I act like a girl and stuff and so Ishtar keeps trying to hook me up with guys who aren't even my type and…yeah. I think that about covers it. Oh, yeah, my other form, not the big mean vampire one, is a cute widdle kitty. Or so says Ishtar."

"You left out the part about accepting a marriage proposal from another guy," Ishtar pointed out.

"Oh, that brings me to my other other… other problem. ISHTAR THINKS I'M GAAAAAY!"

Complete silence filled the room, but snickering could be heard in the waiting room.

"Ok, then…" said Mitzy uncertainly. However, she didn't get a chance to finish because at that moment, a loud voice yelled something to the effect of, "GET YOUR EXPLETIVE EXPLETIVE OUT HERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I COME IN THERE AND SPANK YOU IN FRONT OF ALL YOU'RE LITTLE FRIENDS!"

Ishtar squeaked. "Duzie, quick! Be a kitty again!"

Duzell suddenly disappeared, replaced by a 'cute widdle kitty'.

"Awwwww! How cute!" Chrissy yelled, picking him up. He bit her hard on the hand.

"Owie! He bit me!" Chrissy whimpered as Duzell changed back into human form.

"She isn't even remotely related to you, you liar!" Duzell yelled at Ishtar. Belatedly, he realized that he was now in human form, and his human clothes were still on the floor. He squeaked and changed back.

Chrissy, still covering her eyes, asked "Is it safe now?" Mitzy, who had been about to slap the ecchi, nodded. That had been one of the more unique happenings in the office that day, and that was definitely saying something.

Suddenly, a sword impaled the door, removing it from its hinges. A tall young man in a warrior's outfit stood there frowning at Ishtar. "We've been looking everywhere for you! Vord thought you had gone back to Ci Xeneth to teach the monsters how to make jell-o!" An older woman, er, man…person walked in behind the guard. "Darres, you know she only does this to get attention," he/she/it said.

"I know, Yujinn, but don't you think this is going a little far? I mean, when you have to come all the way out here to this fanfic to find her and get hit on by strange, bald women-"

"That wasn't a woman, and I fixed his hair," said Yujinn. "He's actually rather pretty now."

Duzell and Darres shuddered and moved away.

Darres grabbed Ishtar's hand and dragged her away. Duzell, still a kitty, went after them, followed by Yujinn, a confused Mitzy, and a still bleeding Chrissy.

_Bonus Chapter– Chrissy vs. Mitzy OR Why Kaworu isn't in This Fic_

(Chrissy is typing Character List)

Chrissy: Ka..wo..ru… Mineminemine…

Mitzy (looking over Chrissy's shoulder): Hey, waitaminit! Kaworu's mine!

Chrissy (glare): No, he isn't.

Mitzy (glares back): Yes, he is.

Chrissy: You already have Duo.

Mitzy: So? You have Dark!

Chrissy: No, Britty does. Kaworu is _mine_.

Mitzy: You wanna fight? Huh? Huh? Do ya?

Chrissy: Bring it, punk!

Mitzy: GRAAAAAA!

DUE TO THE GRAPHIC NATURE OF THIS SCENE, READER DISSECTION IS ADVISED.

ON SECOND THOUGHT, WE'LL JUST CENSOR IT. YOU CAN STILL SEE THE FIGHT ON PAY-PER-VEIW, THOUGH.

AND…WE'RE BACK!

Chrissy (panting): Mine.. you old… hussy!

Mitzy: Mine, you… two-timing…dog!

Chrissy: I'm not… two-timing…anyone!

Mitzy: You have… other characters!

Chrissy: So… do you!

Mitzy: But I like Kaworu!

Chrissy: Well, he likes me!

Mitzy: That's not what he told me last night!

Britty: Guys? You do realize that you are arguing over a _FICTIONAL CHARACTER_!

Chrissy and Mitzy (gasp): How dare you say that!

Britty: (rolls eyes) Could you at least settle the dispute a bit more maturely?

Chrissy and Mitzy (pout): Fine.

Mitzy: You can have him Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Chrissy: But you'd have him four days!

Mitzy: Well you'd have him Friday nights!

Chrissy: Grrrrr…

Mitzy: Grrrr…You wanna fight again!

Chrissy: Yeah, I'll whip you like last time!

THIS SCENE CENSORED DUE TO VIOLENCE, BLOOD, GUTS, AND GENERAL GORE

WE WILL RETURN SHORTLY…WE HOPE.

Chapter Seven – Madness Takes its Toll 

Darres stopped suddenly at the entrance to the waiting room, causing a five-person-one-cat pileup behind him. From their place in the squished mess, Chrissy and Mitzy could hear music coming from the waiting room, as well as many voices singing along. Chrissy looked at Mitzy, worried. Mitzy looked back at Chrissy, smiling happily as she wiggled out of the pileup and went to join whatever fun was being had in the waiting room.

By the time Ishtar, Duzell, and Chrissy had untangled themselves from Darres and Yujinn (who, Chrissy noted, wasn't trying very hard to get untangled from Darres…) the party was in full swing. All five stared in horror at the scene before them. Madness was taking its toll.

Flueky's computer was blaring out the "Time Warp", and everyone in the room was dancing to it. Most had mop or broom partners, though a few were dancing with each other. The Gundam boys had their arms linked dancing in a line. Satoshi and Daisuke were jumping to the left, Nuriko, Miroku and Sango were stepping to the right, Hideki and Chi had their hands on their hips and their knees in tight, and everyone seemed to be going insane. Matt and Duo were standing on the receptionist's desk, dancing and singing like there was no tomorrow. Flueky was looking around as though they were all crazy, yelling something about having her computer hijacked. Someone had broken out a few bottles of wine, Chrissy didn't know who, but most everyone seemed to be a least a little tipsy. Mitzy was dancing along with everyone else, seemingly more drunk than any of them, even though Chrissy knew she didn't drink.

Chrissy felt something hit her leg and looked down. Duzell, still in cat form, was Time Warping on her foot. Yujinn and Darres had finally gotten back on their feet, and Chrissy could see the music was affecting them as well. NO! It was having some kind of weird, psychological effect on them all! Chrissy ran over with her trusty hammer and put an end to the evil music. She turned back to the room, looking around to make sure everyone was ok. They were all staring at her. Not really suprising, considering she was wielding a hammer, had just brutally murdered Flueky's computer, and was now covered in computer entrails.

A drunken Flueky crawled over to her poor, mutilated computer, crying over her lost Weaver pictures.

Chrissy brushed some monitor glass off her pants and grabbed Mitzy's arm. "Matt, can you fix our door? Oh, and we can take the next-" she started. She didn't get to finish, though, because just then, a really, _really_ mad-looking girl stormed through the doorway.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CAR! YOU SHALL PAAAAAAY!" she roared.

Mitzy and Chrissy grabbed Ed and attempted to hide behind him, which was difficult because he was so short. (Ed's note: I AM NOT _SHORT_!)

The girl's eyes locked onto them as she came toward them with her murderous gaze. "You had better pay for my car, or I swear I'll…" she threatened.

"We will! We'll fix it, we promise!" squeaked Mitzy and Chrissy in unison.

"Okies! My name is Britty," said the girl. "Let's all be friends!"

Chrissy and Mitzy gave her a nervous glance, then decided it would be better to have her as a friend than an enemy.

"Yay! We can all shrink together!" Britty smiled and stood on a table. "NEXT PATIENT!" she yelled. Chrissy and Mitzy exchanged looks that clearly said Britty was the one in need of a shrink.

The three shrinks (a/n: Britty has an honorary shrink license at this point) returned to the waiting room, which was oddly quiet at this point, and looked for their next patient. They found her…him, him, we mean, fighting with Darres over the Duzell-kitty.

"Nuriko-san? It's your turn…" Chrissy said, nudging his shoulder. Nuriko only growled and held Duzell tighter to him. Darres glared and pulled Duzell back.

"Mine!" they both yelled simultaneously, and suddenly they were playing tug-o-war with a cranky reincarnated vampire-cat. Mitzy quickly grabbed a dictionary and thwacked Nuriko and Darres over the head. Both clutched their bruised craniums and dropped Duzell. Chrissy and Britty glanced at the new dachshund kitty and wondered if they could claim it as a new species, then turned their attention to the injured patients.

"You know, Mitzy, hitting a psychologically disturbed person in the head may not be the best treatment you could offer," Britty said sarcastically.

"How do you know? Might knock some sense into them," Mitzy said, still waving the dictionary threateningly in Darres and Nuriko's general direction. "Now," she said to Nuriko, "Will you come with us quietly or do I have to beat you into unconsciousness and drag you back myself?"

"Um, Mitzy? Violent much?" squeaked Chrissy.

Mitzy gave an evil glare. Chrissy meeped and hid behind Britty, who was already hiding behind Matt.

The two nervous shrinks crept along behind Mitzy and Nuriko, who had opted to stay conscious. As they passed Ishtar, who was still trying to avoid Darres, Mitzy called out, "You can't take her back yet, Darres. We haven't given her the results yet." Darres groaned, still holding his head, and grumbled something about an angry Sir Keld.


	5. Of Ladies and Lords

Chapter Eight – The Soul Of a Woman 

The shrinks trudged into the waiting room with their next patient. Britty jumped in, yelling something about letting her shrink this time, since it was her first case. Mitzy and Chrissy backed away slowly, agreeing that she might be the best for this (basket) case.

"So," chirped Britty, smiling. "What's the problem?"

Nuriko blinked. "Where do you want me to start?" he asked. Chrissy and Mitzy looked at each other, thinking to themselves that this should be interesting.

"Well, we did the trouble start?" Britty asked.

"Well, when I was little, my sister died in an accident... I … I wanted to keep her alive, any way I could. So I _became_ her, even in the way I thought." Nuriko said quietly.

Britty sniffed, her eyes tearing up suddenly. "How sad…But you seem to have come to terms with it…"

"He's wearing a dress! I don't think he's come to terms with things quite yet!" snorted Mitzy.

Nuriko glared. "Is there something _wrong_ with the way I dress?" he asked.

"It's a _dress_. You are a _man_. Dresses and men do _not_ go well together." Mitzy explained.

"_I have the _soul_ of a woman_!" Nuriko yelled "Do you wanna fight or something!"

In the waiting room, there was silence.

Mitzy assumed a fighting stance. "You shall regret challenging me, you pathetic mortal! I've watched plenty of Jet Li and Jackie Chan movies! Super-flying-kick-of-flaming-evil-death-move!" Mitzy cried, launching herself at Nuriko. (a/n: Really, she hasn't seen any of those movies. Her fellow author is just making fun of her)(Mitzy note: I will be killing my fellow author later, so don't mind the screams)

Nuriko sent her flying into the wall. Mitzy rebounded and caught his braid.

"No fair!" Nuriko cried. "Hair pulling is against the rules!"

"Who's rules are those?" Mitzy demanded.

"Mine!" yelled Nuriko as her gave Mitzy what had to be the worst wedgie either of the shrinks had ever seen.

Mitzy yelped and ran to the bathroom, presumably to fix the wedgie.

Britty and Chrissy blinked.

"The dress does look good on him," Chrissy pointed out.

Britty shook her head. "Let's take a break," she said.

_Bonus Chapter – Sick Author Day_

Chrissy (is depressed and bored without her ficking partner)

Chrissy: Guess I'll just hafta work without her…

Britty: I'll help!

Chrissy:

(Britty and Chrissy work together in happy harmony for the next hour and a half)

Britty: I think we did well

Chrissy: Yup, between your love of mush and my pervy sense of humor, I think it turned out very interesting indeed.

Britty: Yeah, but we can't rate it PG-13 anymore…

Chrissy: Nope.

(The next day…)

Mitzy (is reading the fic): O.O Nooo! I'm too young! (convulses)

Britty and Chrissy: ; Eep?

Britty: What? Did we go too far?

Chrissy: Nah…I mean, all they did was CENSOR and CENSOR .

Britty: Yeah, but they did CENSOR in the closet.

Chrissy: And in the bathroom, and they CENSORed in the garage.

Britty: Oh, yeah…

Mitzy: (flips out again…she hadn't even gotten that far)

Chapter Nine – Enter the Demon Lord 

Back in the waiting room, there appeared to be an argument between Flueky and a newcomer.Chrissy poked Mitzy. "Hey, who's Mr. Tall-dark-and-demonic over there?" Mitzy rolled her eyes. "I dunno, but his daughter is really pretty." She pointed to a blue haired girl talking to Dark, who was trying to hit on her. The girl blushed. "Thanks for the compliments, but I'm really not into guys." Mitzy and Chrissy looked at each other. Eek. Dark looked slightly taken aback.

"But he's not acting right!" begged Mr. Tall-dark-and-demonic. "You have to talk to him at least!" Flueky shook her head. "I'm sorry, but unless he has psychological issues-"

"He's a demon who like puppies and flowers!" the man yelled. From across the waiting room, Quatre yelled back, "What's wrong with licking flowers!"

Nearby, Duo gave a loud sigh. "Just great, now we have two pansies!"

The blue haired girl looked over and smiled. "I like pansies, too!"

"RAENEF! That man just _called_ you a _pansy_! Don't just stand for that!"

Chrissy and Mitzy looked at each other. That girl couldn't be the other pansy Duo was talking about…

"HOW DARE YOU ADMONISH ME, VERMIN!" Raenef yelled at Duo. The room was silent for a moment, until everyone burst into fits of laughter and giggles. Trowa looked to be in actual pain from all the laughing he had done the past half hour.

Between giggles, Britty managed to ask Matt to fix the door Heero had broken.

"Did I do something wrong, Eclipse?" asked Raenef, looking puzzled. Eclipse, who had been arguing with Flueky, shook his head. "No, no. That was fine. You really, er…showed them…"

Raenef beamed. "Can we go see a shrunk now? I've never seen a shrunk."

Eclipse gave an exasperated sigh. "Yes, we can go see the 'shrunks'. Can't we?" he asked Flueky pointedly. Flueky gave up. "Sure, go see the shrunks. I'm sure they'll be happy to see you and your daughter."

Raenef looked surprised. "I didn't know you had a daughter, Eclipse! I bet she's pretty."

"They meant you were my daughter!" Eclipse groaned, losing patience.

Raenef looked at him doubtfully. "I don't think I'm your daughter. In fact, I don't think I'm even a girl. At least, I wasn't last time I checked."

Dark looked startled. "I don't know if I should be shocked that I was hitting on a guy, or relieved that I wasn't hitting on a lesbian." Trowa giggled harder.

"You aren't my daughter! You and I are NO relation whatsoever! Thank God…" he said under his breath, though in retrospect, that seemed rather ironic. A demon thanking God.

"Sure, we'll psychoanalyze him! It'll be fun!" Britty smiled. 'And while we're at it, we can check records to make sure he isn't a daughter…" she thought to herself.

Mitzy spotted Nuriko, obviously on his way to hit on poor Raenef. She ran over and grabbed Raenef's arm. "Your turn!" she said as she dragged him away. Eclipse followed.


	6. Of Terror, Strip Poker and Undergarments

Chapter Ten – Therapy Terror…Or Not 

Once again, for what seemed the hundredth time that day, the shrinks and their patients sat down to talk. Britty started to speak, but Mitzy interrupted.

"MINE!" she yelled. "You took the last case.

"Nuh-uh!" yelled Chrissy, glomping Raenef. "Cutie here is mine!"

Mitzy glowered. "Fine, but I'm shrinking him."

Chrissy grinned and settled onto Raenef's lap. Eclipse frowned.

"Master Raenef? You aren't being terribly frightening at the moment…"

"But I'm not supposed to terrify my shrunks, am I?"

"YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO TERRIFY AND TORTURE AT ALL TIMES!"

The shrinks squeaked and backed away from the demon tutor, lest he should demonstrate his torture techniques on them.

Britty spoke up. "Um, I don't think I can shrink someone who is torturing me…" she called as she scrambled out of the room.

"See, shrunks don't like being scared," said Raenef.

Eclipse gave him the evil eye. "Fine, but may I at least suggest you stop petting that one?"

Chrissy sweatdropped. "Eheheheh…"

"Um, here. I'll show you a picture, and you tell me what you see. Ok?" asked Mitzy.

"Ok! " chirped Raenef.

Mitzy held up the first blot (of ink, in case you are a moron and can't figure that out).

"It's a flower!" Raenef exclaimed.

"Is it a pansy?" Duo called from the waiting room. Shortly after, there was a loud crash and a synchronized yell of, "Quatre, you're killing him!"

"Um, right. Eclipse, what do you see?"

"Ink."

"Um, anything else?"

"It's black."

Chrissy giggled. Mitzy glared at her.

"Next inkblot, then. What do you see?"

Raenef squinted. "It kinda looks like a puppy…except with two heads."

Eclipse rolled his eyes and focused on the picture. Suddenly, the paper ripped in half.

"I see a puppy with no heads," he said, laughing evilly, as a demon lord should.

"Eeeep. Ok…, how about word association? Um…um…quarter!

"YOU SHALL BE GIVEN NO QUARTER!" screamed Raenef. "How was that?" he asked Eclipse.

"Very…er…good."

Raenef beamed.

"Alright, then…" said Mitzy. 'Nutcase…' she added silently.

Mitzy gave the next word. "Toys?"

"Erutis!" Raenef said, smiling.

"Humans in general," said Eclipse

Mitzy nodded, taking notes. "Um, how about… Raenef?"

"Who?" asked Raenef.

"Cute," said Eclipse. He clapped a hand over his mouth. "Student. I meant student."

Raenef cocked his head to the side. "I'm cute?"

Eclipse sweatdropped. "Next word?" he pleaded.

"Food?"

Raenef's stomach growled. "Hungryyy….."

Eclipse just rolled his eyes.

Mitzy nodded and put down the pen. "So…how about you tell us about your life?"

Raenef grinned. "I was an orphan til Eclipse came and took me to the castle place to be a demon lord. Though…I don't think I'm turning out to be a very good demon lord…"

Chrissy frowned. "Why not?"

"Because he's too nice, way clueless, and he's…he's…well, he's too cute!" Eclipse growled in frustration.

Chrissy and Mitzy glared. "What's wrong with being cute!" Mitzy asked. "I think he's just fine the way he is!" Chrissy said. "Yeah! You're the one with the problems!" Mitzy agreed.

Eclipse looked flabbergasted (a/n: That's a fun word!).

"Hey! There's nothing wrong with Eclipse!" yelled Raenef. "He's teaching me to be a proper demon lord and he gives me food and he has cool hair! Don't talk bad about him like that!"

Mitzy and Chrissy blinked. "Ok, then… Well, I think we're done now," said Chrissy.

"Thank the gods…" said Eclipse.

-YANK!-

"RAE- … MITZY!" he shouted, turning to see a grinning Mitzy playing with his hair. He gave up and dragged Raenef back to the waiting room, leaving a disappointed Mitzy with no hair to play with.

Chrissy glared at her fellow shrink as the two exited the room. "What?" asked Mitzy. "He does have nice hair!"

_Bonus Chapter – Raenef's Demon Lord Language_

Duo: Just great, now we have two pansies!

Raenef: I like pansies, too !

Eclipse: Raenef! That man just called you a pansy! Don't stand for that!

Raenef: How dare you administer me, Velma!

Eclipse: … --'

Raenef: Um, you shall have a death worthy of your transmission!

All: (giggle)

Raenef: Sorry. I meant transmutation.

Ed: (giggle)

Raenef: Er, transvestite?

All: (die laughing)

Raenef: Argh… DARK ARROW!

(A small, floating puppy appears.)

All: Awwww….

(Puppy explodes)

All: O.O

Eclipse: That was a little better…

Raenef: Heehee. I'll be the scariest demon lord ever! (biiig smile)

All: (sweatdrop)

Chapter Eleven – Poker Face 

Once again in the waiting room, there was pandemonium. The patients were sitting around in a circle, playing what appeared to be a large-scale game of poker. Chrissy and Mitzy stared in shock at the patients all in various states of undress. Strip poker!

"Hah!" a voice called. "Two pair!" It was Trowa, currently wearing only his pants.

"I've got a straight!" Quatre called. Quatre has obviously been doing better than Trowa. He was only missing his coat.

"Oh, dear," said Yujinn matter-of-factly. Chrissy glanced over to see him shuck off his robe.

"EEEK!" The two shrinks yelped, expecting the worst. Thankfully, he had on, of all things, a dress slip. "Well, what did you expect? If you wear a white robe, it'll be see-through with nothing under it!" Yujinn said.

"I wanna play!" Raenef said. Eclipse looked at him.

"Alright, but if you lose and everyone sees you, er… disrobed, what do you do?"

Raenef thought a moment. "Oh, yeah! Snort disdainfully, give them a wedgie, and butcher them with a spork," he answered grinning.

"Very good," Eclipse said as they sat down to enjoy the game.

Chrissy and Mitzy took a moment to look around the room. Darres was doing relatively well, though most of his armor was on the floor. Ishtar was down to her slip, like Yujinn, while Duzell… well, being a cat, he wasn't playing. Chi had lost, well, most everything. Apparently, card-playing wasn't in her programming. Hideki, down to his boxers, was trying not to have a major nosebleed at the sight of his near-nude computer. The gundam pilots weren't doing great either since they didn't have much clothing to spare. Heero down to his shorts and ankle socks. Duo was doing exceptionally badly, only wearing a "censored" sign. Miroku was in a similar state, wearing only a handprint on his face, presumably from Sango, who was only in her skirt and bra (a/n: Which technically she shouldn't have, considering she's from Fuedal Japan…)

Nuriko was down to a very shiny pair of undies and an obviously stuffed brassiere. Flueky and Britty still had most of their clothing, though they were both barefoot and without any jewelry. Matt, however, sported only a pair of frilly kitty-print panties, much like Nuriko's. Ed was busy trying to alchemy up some more clothing, and probably a few aces as well, by sacrificing the remains of Flueky's computer.

"What exactly is going on here!" Mitzy yelled. "Who started this!"

An unfamiliar man stood up. An unfamiliar drunk man, amended the shrinks as they watched him stumble over.

"You shee, ociffer, I wash drunk in a bar, and they threw me into pub-lick! Sho now, I'm jusht trying to have shome fun wish theshe people," he said.

"I'm shorry, but shtrip poker ish not allowed here," said Chrissy, imitating his slurred speech. "You'll have to go shomewhere else."

"My name'sh Vord. Have you ever played shtrip poker? It'sh really fun," he said, winking.

Chrissy looked at Mizty. "Go call the cops, then call an ambulance, because I'm about to hurt him."

Mitzy nodded. Chrissy stood on a chair and yelled to get everyone's attention.

"HEY! We would greatly appreciate it if you guys would put some clothes back on, like right now!" Chrissy wound up with a sock in her face in answer.

"CLOTHES ON NOW!" she yelled, grabbing a lamp and waving it menacingly. The patients looked up at her, grumbled and put their clothes back on. Duo yelled.

"HEY, gimme back my pants!" he directed at Ed.

Ed grinned. "But they fit me just fine."

Duo glared. "They fit me better. Besides, they make you look even shorter!"

Ed attacked him, and the two went around the waiting room, switching from Ed chasing Duo for calling him short, to Duo chasing Ed to get back his pants. The police arrived just in time to see Duo depantsing Ed.

"I don't know what kind of therapy this is, but it doesn't look any kind of legal to me…" the officer said. Ed jumped up.

"This isn't therapy, that man just stole my pants!" he yelled pointing at Duo.

"They're my pants and he stole them from me first!"

The officer sighed. "Do either of you have any proof that these are your pants?" he asked, snatching them from Duo.

Both boys shook their heads.

"Then I'll just have to confiscate them," the officer said simply.

"You can't confiscate my pants!" Duo yelled angrily. "They were a Christmas present from Hilde!"

"Until you can prove they are your pants, they will remain in my custody. Don't worry, I'll take good care of them. I needed something to wear on my date Friday anyway…"

Mitzy piped in. "Um, sir, I'm pretty sure that the pants are Duo's, and that's not really why we called you. See, there's this drunk guy, who…is currently hitting on that girls' cat…"

Sure enough, Vord was sitting on the floor, whispering sweet nothings to a very embarrassed Duzell-kitty. Chrissy and Mitzy sweatdropped.

"Sir, I think you'd better come with me," the policeman told the drunk.

"But I'm not doing anyshing wrong…"

"I'm charging you with being drunk in public."

"But I'm not drunk in public. I'm drunk in a shrink'sh offish! I dint wanna be drunk in publick! I wanted to be drunk in the shrink'sh offish! The people, who went that way, threw me into publick!"

The officer rolled his eyes and Maced the drunk, then started to haul him forcibly out of the office.

"Wait!" Darres yelled, coming to the rescue. "He's, um,.. He's here for an AA meeting!"

The policeman looked surprised. "Really, now? You know him, then?"

"Yes, kinda…" Darres said. Ishtar jumped in.

"He's my cousin! He drinks a lot and they made him come here for therapy!"

The officer thought for a moment. "Alright, he can stay, but let's not have any more of the pants removing therapy, ok?"

"Er, right…" said Mitzy. The officer left.

"Well, then. That was interesting…" said Chrissy.

"Maybe we should take the next patient now?" asked Britty

"Yeah, I think so. Who's left?" asked Mitzy.

"Um, that boy there. Daisuke," Flueky piped in, from her seat on the floor.

"Flueky! What would your boyfriend say if he knew you were playing strip poker with Darke without him?" yelled Chrissy.

The aforementioned chibi angel-of-death person had apparently popped into existence and was currently holding (with some difficulty) a royal flush in his chibi hands. Each of the cards was bigger than he was.

"Don't you have some people to shrink?" Flueky asked rhetorically, shucking off her socks.

Chrissy rolled her eyes at Flueky. Britty, being the nice person that she was, kindly caught them and handed them back. (a/n: Heehee)

"Fine then," muttered Chrissy. "Let's get the patient so we can finish this fic already."

"Daaaaiiiii-suuukeeee!" Mitzy called. The red headed teen looked up. "Wha?"

Satoshi grabbed his sleeve. "Our turn," he stated, dragging Daisuke behind him.

_Bonus Chapter – Boxers or Briefs?_

Chrissy: Mitzy, boxers or briefs?

Mitzy: o.O Panties…

(Chi jumps in with a pair of very frilly ones on her head)

Chi: PANTIES!

(Hideki in the background: Chi! What are you doing! I thought we covered this already!)

Chrissy: Wait a sec…You like panties on guys, Mitzy?

Mitzy: NO! I thought you meant on me!

(Britty and Trowa giggle in the background)

Chrissy: Well, we know what Chi prefers. Now, Britty, Trowa, how about you?

Britty: o.O

Trowa: Depends on who it is. Mitzy would be nice in briefs. Quatre's better in boxers.

Mitzy: O.O (Mitzy smacks Chrissy) YOU TAKE THAT OUT OF THIS OMAKE RIGHT NOW!

Chrissy: ' Eheheh. Um, Duo? Heero?

Heero: (gives the Infamous Yuy Death Glare) …Boxers.

Duo: Neither. (big grin)

Chrissy and Mitzy: . . …Eeeeep.

Britty: Duzell?

Duzell: Vampires wear robes. We have no need of undergarments. Besides, they get in the way.

Chrissy: Of what?

Duzell: Seducing people's uncles.

Britty: ' Eheheheh. Um, Daisuke? Satoshi?

Satoshi: I'm boxers. Daisuke wears briefs.

Mitzy: How do you know- No, I don't wanna know.

Chrissy: (whisper) I always thought he was a little odd..

Duo: (whispers) So now we have three pansies?

Britty: Ishtar?

Ishtar: I like briefs…but boxers are more comfortable.

Miroku: I like thongs.

Sango: (cracks Miroku over the head)

Britty: How about you, Ed?

Ed: I wear my special "Dog of the Army" undies. Wanna see?

All: NO!

Chrissy: Kaworu, Shinji?

Shinji: I don't like boxers…unless they're Kaworu's

Chrissy: o.o Um, what do Tasuki and Nuriko like?

Nuriko: What kind of woman would wear briefs or boxers? I wear my imperial lingerie, thank you very much.

Tasuki: Scary thing is, it looks good on him.

Britty: Flueky, Matt?

Flueky: TONY'S BOXERS! (drools)

Matt: Dorothy Zbornak's boxers.

Britty: o.O Okies… Um, Yujinn? Darres?

Yujinn: Magic teachers don't wear undergarments, either, as Darres well knows.

All: o.o

Flueky: I wanna know what Gojyo wears!

Gojyo: Whatever the ladies like.

Hakkai: My boxers have sentimental value. My sister used to love them…

(Chrissy, Mitzy, and Britty turn green)

Daisuke's Mom: It doesn't matter to me so long as the guy wearing them will father my son

Daisuke: MOOOOOOOM!

(Vord comes in, smelling of beer.)

Vord: I'm a boxersh guy. Laphiji and Seileiz wear briefsh, unless they're croshdreshing, in which caesh they wear theesh really pretty pantiesh.

Chrissy: What about you, Eclipse?

Eclipse: Demon lords must always be terrifying, and briefs are certainly very terrifying.

Mitzy: Amen to that.

Raenef: (looks down his robes) Nope, neither.

Britty, Chrissy, Mitzy: (sweatdrop)

(Kyo enters)

Kyo: WHERE'S THAT DMN RAT? HE STOLE MY UNDERSHORTS!

Yuki: What would I want with a stupid cat's panties?

Kyo: I do NOT wear PANTIES!

Ayaame: But you really should try this pair! Mine made them just for you…

(Kyo runs screaming from the room)

Chrissy: This is getting kinda weird…

Mitzy: Um, yeah.

Britty: Let's stop now.

Chrissy: Right.

((Chrissy finishes typing and takes the paper to Mitzy, who promptly beats the daylights out of her for being such a hentai.))

Mitzy: We apologize for the severe perviness of this Omake. Isn't that right, Chrissy?

Chrissy: (conitinues bleeding)

Mitzy: (nudges Chrissy with her foot) That's what I thought.

((Curtain falls))

Authors' Note: A special thanks to the boy in lunch who wore holey pants with Santa print boxers underneath. You gave us the wonderful inspiration for this Omake.


	7. Of Psychos, Kleptos, and Gundam Pilots

**Chapter Twelve – Psychos and Kleptos**

Once again in the shrinking room (a/n: Boy, are we tired of typing that) the shrinks and patients sat down to talk and analyze their big fat issues. Currently, the question was less what the issues were and more who had worse ones, the patients or the shrinks. The shrinks seemed to be winning.

"You guys seem fairly normal to me," said Britty. "What's the problem?"

"I…um…" started Daisuke. He was interrupted by a loud snore.

"Zzzzzzz…" said Satoshi. The shrinks glanced over.

"Please continue," said Mitzy, jotting down notes. "Possible narcoleptic…" she muttered under her breath.

"I have this alter ego…who's a thief and a womanizer…but he's my friend and I don't want him to disappear! And he," here he gestured to Satoshi, "has a psycho alter ego that seems to want me dead. Or just plain wants me…I think." Daisuke said.

" Right…Can you give us a minute?" asked Britty. The shrinks crowded into one of the corners to hold a conference.

"This isn't a job for therapists, it's a job for an exorcist!" Mitzy hissed.

"No, I don't think they're possessed. Just schizophrenic," said Britty.

"Just! Schizos are very often psychos! And by what the one guy said, their other selves are a pervy kleptomaniac and a homicidal homo!" yelled Chrissy.

"Wow, Chrissy's a poet," said Britty.

"Who's a pervy kleptomaniac?" asked a deep male voice. The shrinks meeped and looked back at Daisuke, who had changed into a much older (much hotter) dark haired version of himself.

"Now do you believe me! He's possessed!" screamed Mitzy, hiding behind Chrissy. Which wasn't working very well, considering she was rapidly melting from sheer hotness (a/n: ).

Britty tried to mop the quickly liquefying shrink up before she stained the carpet. It didn't work. Sighing, she gave up for the time being and returned to trying to help her patients.

"Alright, then…so, Mister…?" Britty asked.

"Dark."

"Right then. I think we should take a break and analyze your problems, all right? You and your friend go back to the waiting room."

Dark shook his head. "I'm not waking him up, he'll try to arrest me."

There was the soft sound of a lock clicking into place.

"Too late," said Satoshi, smiling and holding the other end of the pair of handcuffs.

"Can't you two behave?" asked Chrissy tiredly. "Go to the waiting room now."

Dark stood…or tried to. Apparently Satoshi had cuffed their ankles together as well. Both boys went down hard.

"Umph!" grunted Dark. "Get off me! Idiot! How are we supposed to walk!"

Satoshi glared as he tried to stand up, which wasn't easy, having a wrist and ankle cuffed to someone who wasn't exactly cooperating. "I'm not taking any chances of you getting away from me this time," came the level reply.

Finally, the two managed to stand. Britty and the others tried not to giggle as the two stumbled into the doorway, killed a potted plant, and made it to the waiting room three-legged race style.

_Bonus Chapter - Britty Takes Over_

"Alright then…So, Mister…?" Britty asked.

"Dark. But you can call me whatever you want, sweetheart." He winked

Britty blushed as he stooped to one knee and held out a ring.

"Will you marry me, my love?" he asked, gazing deeply into her eyes (a/n: dying laughing here…)

"Oh, yes, my darling! I love you!" cried Britty, tears of happiness streaming down her face.

"Then come away with me! We will leave this squalid office forever!" Dark said, taking her hand.

Chrissy and Mitzy dabbed their eyes with tissues. "Goodbye Britty! We'll miss you! Take care!"

(Chrissy and Mitzy grab the keyboard away from the rampaging Britty)

Chrissy: Told you we couldn't trust her with the computer…

Mitzy: As if I'd ever cry like that.

Britty: Oh, yeah you will. When I make off/out with your guy Duo!

Mitzy: (runs away)

Britty: Heehee…

Mitzy: (returns with sharp objects)

Britty and Chrissy: O.O Eeek.

(THIS SCENE CENSORED, PLEASE STAND BY…)

(STILL STANDING BY…)

Mitzy: Oh come, happy dagger! (laughs satanically)

Britty (from offstage): Someone call 911…

Chrissy (also from offstage): how many times do I have to tell you, we can't. We don't have an 11 on our phone. Furthermore, we have no fingers to dial with anymore!

**Chapter Thirteen – Let Sleeping Pilots Lie**

Once again, in the waiting room for the umpteenth time, the shrinks went to retrieve their neurotic patients.

For once, the waiting room was relatively quiet. Apparently the patients had all tired themselves out with being disruptive earlier. Mitzy was rather surprised, and pleased, to note that only a few of the characters were actually sleeping _with_ any of the others.

The shrinks picked their way carefully around the sleeping psychos, managing to only step on one or two. Britty kneeled next to the gundam pilots and nudged Trowa's shoulder reluctantly. They were so cute when they were asleep!

Trowa opened one eye a glanced at her from his place on the chair. "Your turn," Britty told him quietly, trying not to disturb the other patients. Trowa nodded and reached down to the floor, tapping Duo. Duo grunted tossed off the jacket he had been using as a blanket. Duo, in turn, woke Quatre, who was using a snoozing Chrissy as a teddy-bear. Britty raised an eyebrow, wondering how Chrissy had even gotten down there without her noticing, and nudged her fellow shrink with one toe. "It's not very professional or socially acceptable (a/n: we rhymed!) to sleep with your patients!" she hissed. Chrissy giggled.

"Perv," Britty growled, kicking her in the head.

Quatre sleepily reached over and shook Heero, who bolted upright and instinctively went for his gun.

"Chill, Heero. It's our turn," Duo said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Might as well get it over with," said Quatre, nodding.

"Yeah," said Duo. "I have a new Playboy- er, Gameboy to get back to at home."

"Fine then. Come with us please," said Chrissy, exasperated.

Britty looped arms with Quatre and Trowa, apparently not hearing Duo's slip-up, and skipped with them into the shrink room. Chrissy and Mitzy shook their heads and followed them.

_Bonus Chapter – Troubles with the "Waitng" Room_

(Chrissy is typing)

Chrissy: ARGH!

(Mitzy jumps out of her skin)

(Chrissy looks over)

Chrissy: Ewww, skinless Mitzy…

Mitzy: I wouldn't be if you hadn't yelled! (puts skin back on) What happened anyway?

Chrissy: The stupid program keeps 'fixing' my mistakes. Every time I accidentally type Chrisst, it changes it to Christ! And I can't type the word waitng… watinig…Argh!

Mitzy: Waiting?

Chrissy: YES! All our characters are in the 'waitng' room!

Mitzy: (giggle)

Chrissy: Shut up…

Mitzy: Heheheheh.

Chrissy: I hate this computer.

Mitzy: How do you spell Duzzel…er, Duzzell…

Chrissy: I dunno. One Z, I think.

Mitzy: You think?

Chrissy: Yeah, I'm not sure…

Mitzy: YOU HAVE THE BOOK, STUPID!

(Crickets chirp)

Chrissy, Mitzy: (giggle insanely)


	8. Of Pansies, Guns, and Diagnoses

**Chapter Fourteen – Pansies, Guns and Possible Lawsuits**

The shrinks let out a sigh of relief as they went in to shrink their last patients of the day. Inside the room, everyone sat down. Or tried to, anyway. In an office with only four chairs, seven people was a stretch. Britty ended up sitting on the desk, and Quatre sat cross-legged on the floor beside Duo, who was stretched out on his side with a magazine that looked suspiciously like the one Hideki had had in the waiting room. Mitzy, Chrissy, Heero, and Trowa took the chairs.

Britty started. "So, what's your problem, anyhoo, guys?"

The boys looked at each other. "Our girls think we have problems. Really, we're fine," said Duo, not looking up from the magazine.

"Well, what do the girls say is wrong with you?" Britty asked.

Quatre pointed at Duo. "They all say he has an obession with hair. And girls."

Duo glared and shot back. "Only my hair. And Hilde. And look who's talking, Mr. Oo-lookit-a-pretty-flower!"

"He just admitted it! He has an obsession! Shrink him! Shrink him now!" Quatre yelled, leaping up and pointing an accusing finger at Duo.

Chrissy, Mitzy, and Britty glanced at each other. "Okay, okay, don't worry. We'll shrink him. Just be patient, okay?"

Quatre pouted and sat down.

"Now, what's this 'pretty flower' thing Duo was talking about?" Britty asked.

"Flowers are cool," Quatre said, muttering. Duo snorted. Quatre stuck his tongue out at him.

Chrissy marked down 'Immaturity' on her list of problems.

"Flowers are nice," said Britty understandingly. "I really like roses. What about you? What flowers do you like?"

Quatre thought a minute. "I like roses, daffodils, pansies, tulips, morning glories, daisies, pansies, water lilies, day lilies, tiger lilies, pansies, irises, geraniums, pansies, chrysanthemums, carnations, and did I say pansies? I really really like pansies."

"Sometimes I think _you're _a pansy," Duo snorted. Quatre put his hands on his hips and stuck his tongue out again. To Chrissy and Mitzy he muttered, "He only wishes I was."

Duo jumped up. "I heard that! You're a _dead_ pansy now!"

"I am not a PANSY, dead or otherwise!" Quatre said childishly, crossing his arms and looking quite petulant.

"_There will be no dead pansies in this office_!" Britty declared loudly. In the waiting room, snickering was heard again. Quatre and Duo practically fell over trying to get away from the PO'ed psycho.

"Now," said Britty, ignoring the startled looks of Chrissy and Mitzy. "Why don't we do word association?" The pilots agreed, none to happily.

"Family?"

Quatre shuddered. "Thirty sisters…"

"All my friends!" Duo jumped up and delivered a biiig group hug. "And Hilde," he added as an afterthought.

"Catherine, and my friends," said Trowa. "And Heavyarms."

"Ooh, ohh, and Deathscythe! I forgot Deathscythe!" yelled Duo. Chrissy and Mitzy looked at each other. If they had family named Heavyarms and Deathscythe, it was no wonder they had issues.

"I don't have a family," said Heero coldly. He was immediately glomped by everyone in the room, including the shrinks. "You poor thing!" yelled Britty holding onto his arm. "We're your family," said Quatre, clinging to his leg. "And Relena would murder you if she heard you say that," said Duo, perched on Heero's head. "We're here for you too!" Mitzy piped in, sitting on his left knee. "Yeah, we'll listen! We're good at listening!" said Chrissy on his right knee.

"Good. Then you can listen to this:_ Omae o korosu!_" he yelled, jumping up and reaching for his gun. Which wasn't there. "What did you do with my gun!" he yelled, anger marks popping across his forehead.

Chrissy gave a nervous laugh and held up the gun, which she had pick-pocketed from him earlier. "You don't really need this do you? I mean, violence doesn't solve anything…"

"Better give it to him," said Duo. "He feels naked without his gun."

Mitzy gave a puzzled look. "He doesn't look naked…"

"I'M NAKED, ALRIGHT!" Heero yelled. "NOW GIVE ME THE GUN!"

From the waiting room, Flueky called out, "Should I call 911? I mean, if you've got naked guys with guns in there…"

Matt called out, "If you've got naked guys with guns in there, why was I not invited? I love guns!"

Heero snatched the gun from Chrissy's hand. They tussled over the gun until one of them, no one was sure which, managed to hit the trigger and blow a hold through the ceiling. A large chunk of ceiling tile fell and hit Duo in the head.

"Look, the sky is falling," he joked, then collapsed on Trowa, who was trying not to burst out laughing over the idea of shrinks counseling naked, gun-wielding people in their office.

"Um, next word?" suggested Britty, who was feeling very ignored. All the pilots turned to stare at her. Chrissy used the opportunity to take the bullets from Heero's gun, as well as the spare ones.

"HEY!" Heero yelled, startled. Chrissy, triumphant, pulled the box of ammo from Heero's pants. Britty and Mitzy stared, while Quatre and a still dazed Duo giggled. Trowa was curled into a ball in his chair, laughing hysterically.

Heero sputtered. "I want my lawyer! My shrink just groped me!"

"That was an accident! I was just trying to get the bullets!"

Duo snorted. "You don't have a lawyer. The last one quit after you shot him, remember. Besides, you can't be all that upset about being groped by a girl- well, unless you're a pansy," he smirked at Quatre.

"IT WASN'T MY FAULT HE KEEPS HIS BULLETS DOWN THERE!" Chrissy yelled. Suddenly, there was silence.

From the waiting room, Matt and Flueky asked simultaneously, "Down where?"

Chrissy put her head in her hands.

"Um," said Britty. "Maybe we should just skip the word association? Why don't each of you take turns and tell us about your life. Ok?"

Quatre started. "I had thirty older sisters who regularly used me as their dress-up doll. Not that it wasn't kinda fun, but I think they were trying to turn me _into_ a girl."

"Why didn't you just let them? You'd make a great girl, Quatre," said Duo, trying to keep a straight face.

Quatre flipped him off. Everyone in the room gasped. Britty took Quatre's hand. "No, no, Quatre. A peace sign uses two fingers, see?"

Trowa giggled uncontrollably. Duo went next.

"Well, I lost my mom and dad, then I went to live in a church, which got blown up, and I became the god of death because everyone around me always dies."

Chrissy and Britty all laughed nervously.

Since Trowa was still unable to talk coherently, Heero went next. "I had a normal childhood of assassinating people and blowing shi-stuff up. Therefore, I have no problems."

"Uh-huh…" said the three shrinks in unison.

"I-I…hee-hee, I was f-fine…until I got here!" Trowa managed to choke out between laughs. "My o-only problem… is the giggles!" He burst out laughing again.

"Aren't ya gonna tell them about your sister and the lion and all that stuff?" Duo asked.

"There's nothing going on with me and the lion!" Trowa said.

"That's not what the show tigers said…" Duo said, looking innocent.

Trowa promptly dissolved into laughter again.

Chrissy and Britty looked at each other.

"I think you can go back now," said Britty. "We'll give you the results in a while."

Chrissy leaned over to Mitzy, who had dozed off sometime earlier. "CROTCH!" she yelled. Mitzy jumped about three feet and fell out of the chair. She giggled and looked at Trowa, who was also still giggling. They got up and followed the others to the door, laughing all the way.

Chrissy gave the door a push. "It won't budge," she said. Heero frowned. "Move," he said. Everyone got out of the way as Heero slammed his shoulder into the door, ripping it off its hinges. The door blew outward, squishing Matt and Flueky, who had apparently been eavesdropping on the session. The other patients, who had been listening in as well, ran for cover.

Matt sat up, looking dazed. "I don't see any guns…"

"Or naked guys…" added Flueky, sounding disappointed.

Chrissy shook her head. Britty glared at the eavesdroppers. "Nothing you heard leaves this building!" she said sternly.

"Yes, ma'am!" they all chimed.

_Bonus Chapter - The Infamous Crotch Incident_

Chrissy: Hey, another omake!

Mitzy: Yup, and it's all about me…

Britty: I'm in here too!

Chrissy: Mitzy, why don't you tell it?

Mitzy: Well, it all started when…

(begin flashback sequence!)

(Mitzy, Chrissy, and Britty are walking down the stairs at their school on their way to lunch. For some unknown reason, they are discussing ways to fend off attackers.)

Chrissy: Yeah, I've always heard that you go for the eyes or the nose

Britty: Yeah, anywhere on the face.

Mitzy: Or the…

(cue teacher appearance at the bottom of the stairs)

Mitzy: **_CROTCH!_**

(cue teacher giving Mitzy a very funny look and the three shrinks giggling insanely)

(end flashback sequence)

Chrissy: Well, technically, Mitzy didn't yell it. But she sure did say it loud enough…

Mitzy: And we all died laughing.

Britty: I think the teacher thought you were some kind of creepy perv or something.

Mitzy: Are you suggesting I'm not?

Chrissy and Britty: o.O

Mitzy: Tee-hee, just kidding…

Chrissy: (to Britty) Remind me not to let her spend the night again.

Britty: Same here…

Chapter Fifteen – Deliver Us Some Issues 

Finally, for the last time, the exhausted shrinks made their way into the waiting room. Each took a fair sized portion of the notes they had compiled on their patients. Mitzy went first, staggering under the weight of the papers.

"In no particular order," she announced, "the winners are…" Mitzy looked confused for a moment, then threw her _Hottest Guy of the Month_ magazine, which had inexplicably worked its way into her papers, to the floor. Nuriko and Matt briefly fought over it. They both ended up with half of the second hottest guy.

Mitzy shook her head, then continued. "As I was saying, in no particular order, we will now tell you our analyses and suggest treatments if we deem them necessary. Or possible, for that matter."

"First," she read, "Sango and Miroku. Your problems aren't as severe as they could be. Sango, you seem to have no real problems except for a slight obsession with your missing brother. Miroku, on the other hand, is a womanizing freak."

The patients giggled.

Mitzy continued. "However, we think that that could be cured with some behavioral reconditioning. So, Miroku, each time you hit on a woman, Sango will zap you with this cattle prod."

Sango grinned darkly. Miroku backed away very slowly…

"Next," continued Mitzy, "mix on high for 30 seconds." Another puzzled look crossed her face as she tossed Flueky's cookbook to the side. "Ahem. I meant, Ed. Ed, you seem to have a cute- er, an acute- case of… I can't read that word…Short Man's Complex is what it is."

Ed's face twisted in anger as he leapt onto the receptionist desk and screamed something to the effect of, "WHO ARE YOU CALLING LITTLE, YOU GIANT FREAKS OF NATURE!"

Mitzy looked at him calmly and added, "Not to mention a complete lack of anger control, and manners. We think it would do you good to spend some time in group therapy with the Munchkins from Oz."

Upon hearing the word Oz, all four Gundam pilots pulled their guns and leapt to their feet. Quatre slipped on a magazine and somehow managed to get his head stuck in the vase of flowers on the corner table. "OZ, where!" came a muffled shout from inside.

Mitzy shook her head. "Have you people never seen the movie- Oh, nevermind! Let me finish this, will you! And put down those guns!"

The gundam pilots sheepishly took their seats, except for Quatre, who decided it might be wise to sit still and not make any noise until Mitzy chilled.

"Anyway. Where was I? Oh, Ed. Right. I was kidding about the munchkins, but there is a very supportive bra- er…" Mitzy paused and tossed aside the Victoria's Secret catalogue, which Ishtar claimed for Duzell. Mitzy continued, "…therapy group for people such as yourself, who are vertically challenged. And I think we'll send you to some anger management as well."

Ed sputtered as Vord and Darres forcibly restrained him from attacking Mitzy.

"Next, we have Ishtar and her kitty, Duzell," Mitzy said, glancing at Darres, Vord, and Yujinn. "We have determined that Ishtar is fine, if a bit immature. Her cat has some issues though, starting with a taste for blood."

Chrissy looked at her bandaged hand, then glared at the smirking cat.

"Also, we have reason to think that Duzell-kitty is in denial over his sexuality."

"Mreeee-yow!" screeched Duzell, baring his fangs at Mitzy. Mitzy bared her teeth back at him. "You do," she said. "If you weren't at least bi, you wouldn't be watching guys in the shower."

Darres gave Mitzy a look that clearly said she was the one in need of shrinking. Yujinn shook his head. "I'd say the cat has more problems than denying he's gay if he likes watching _human_ men shower."

"Yeah, interspecies relationships never work…" sighed Miroku. Sango zapped him. Vord nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it'sh a shame, awright…" Vord said, eyeing the cat. The very sexy cat, in his own opinion.

Mitzy composed herself and kept going. "Sooo, we think the cat should…"

"Have his teeth removed?" suggested Chrissy hopefully.

"…no."

"Be neutered?"

"No, that'd be more like a treatment for Miroku!" yelled Mitzy, throwing a vase at Chrissy. "Really, I don't know what to do! We shrink humans, not bisexual vampires who spend most of their time as women or felines!"

All the patients just sort of stared. Ishtar sweatdropped. "Heeheehee, aren't they crazy Darres?"

Darres nodded grimly. "Probably because you made them shrink your cat…" he muttered under his breath.

Mitzy finally sat down and Britty stood up.

"Let's see…I have Chi and Hideki. Hideki, as far as I'm concerned, you don't really have a problem. However, I have scheduled you for a weekend in the mountains with Chi." Britty winked.

Hideki promptly grabbed a tissue to stem the nosebleed at the thought.

"Then… We have…Daisuke and Satoshi. Daisuke, I think you're fine. Dark on the other hand, is a kleptomaniac. Good news is, I think we have something he can take for that." Britty winked. Dark grinned. "I'm way ahead of you," he said as he lounged in a chair and read what appeared to be Hideki's magazine.

"And Satoshi. It's tough to give an analysis without having spoken to your alter ego, but I think it might help to keep a nice straight jacket or exorcist around."

"And Nuriko…You seem to be suffering from some sort of post traumatic-type thing from the death of your sister. You just need to realize that you are a man and that no matter what you wear or act like, you can't become her. I think we'll send you to football camp to help you with that."

Britty took a seat, allowing Chrissy to take over.

Chrissy stood. "Looks like I've got the pilots," she said, looking over her papers. "Quatre? You seem to have a slight masculinity shortage and a flower fetish. Which is nothing that can't be fixed by spending a week at football camp along with Nuriko,' she said, grinning.

"And Trowa. First let me say I don't think you have any real psychological issues. However, I think a drug test would be a good thing, because I've never seen anyone laugh that much without having any drugs involved."

Trowa blinked and hid the bottle of pills he had been eyeing.

"And Duo…Well, you appear to be a healthy, hormonal teenage boy. Congratulations. Just don't let that get you into trouble, alright?"

Duo nodded and grinned, flipping through the magazine he had snatched from Dark.

"Heero. You're aggressive, antisocial, emotionally inept… In general, you really aren't good with people. I think you need to spend a week with Britty. If anyone can bring you out of that shell, she can," said Chrissy, grinning.

"Then…Raenef. I think you should go ahead and spend the a week with Nuriko and Quatre at the football camp as well," Chrissy said. "Eclipse, you should accompany your lord."

"And that's everyone," said Chrissy. All three shrinks gave mental sighs of relief (a/n: who can blame them, after writing 24 pages worth of fanfic, 33 in size twelve font).

"Be sure to tell us how it goes!" the shrinks chorused as the patients left.


	9. Epilogue

Epilogue – A Week and A Half Later… 

A week and a half later found the shrinks back in their office looking over their letters and follow up papers. Matt was still cleaning from the food fight. Flueky was on vacation in the UK with her lover-boy (unbeknownst to her, Darke had snuck into her luggage in the hopes of more strip poker). The shrinks themselves, well…

Britty was doing quite well, with her brand new convertible (which was a complete guy magnet). She already had several love interests fighting over her everywhere she went.

Mitzy had had her driver's liscense revoked due to the deaths of several mailboxes at the start of this fic, but that was ok. Britty drove her most places. At the time, she was currently alternating between filing papers, making notes, and arguing with Chrissy and Duzell (through one of Yujinn's mirrors) over Kaworu.

Chrissy was doing well also, except for the hussy trying to take her man. She was having fun reading the letters from all the patients.

"Sango says she's much better now. She says she's almost completely broken Miroku from chasing after women, but now he just complains about the burns on his butt," Chrissy informed the others.

"That's nice," said Mitzy, still trying to convince Duzell that Kaworu wouldn't be interested in some old vampire cat.

"Here's a note from Roy Mustang. Apparently, he's Ed's superior. It says that Ed's as bad as ever with his temper, but now he's figured out how to transmute people into midgets when they call him short. He says it's useful for research, though…"

"Duzell says that Ishtar's as immature as ever. She trying to find him a wedding dress. Darres is the same as ever, except that now he's always taking off to go play strip poker with Yujinn. And Vord is still drunk as ever. Duzell himself is fine, though," said Mitzy, pausing in her argument.

''Here's a postcard from Hideki and Chi. Looks like they're having fun…" said Britty wistfully. "They're at the beach right now."

"I wanna go…" whined Chrissy. Mitzy smacked her.

"And a letter from all the Gundam pilots. Duo says he's fine and that he's not in trouble… yet. He wants to know how Mitzy's doing," Britty read.

Mitzy blinked.

"Heero said he… had a blast talking to me last week," Britty read, blushing.

"Whoo-hoo…" whistled Chrissy, winking. "Go, Britty!"

"Trowa says he's doing fine and that his ribs almost don't hurt anymore," Britty said, looking puzzled.

"Well, he was laughing quite a bit…" replied Chrissy. "Hey, what's this?"

Britty glanced down and picked up the postcard from the floor. "It's from Quatre. It says he's going to visit us soon… and he's bringing some friends from football camp, including Nuriko and Raenef…"

All three shrinks exchanged looks of terror.

Mizty picked up a letter slightly scented with perfume. "Nuriko says the same thing. Says he's coming back with Raenef and Quatre and that he's found some cute outfits for everyone to try on…"

There was a long silence, followed by a slightly shorter one.

"Wonder if he knows I like red?" Mitzy wondered aloud.

Britty, holding a novel-length letter, laughed nervously. "It's from Relena, telling me all the ways she plans to murder me for 'stealing her Hee-chan'," she explained.

"Sounds like someone else who could use some therapy…" mused Mitzy.

"Here's a letter from Daisuke. Apparently Satoshi's moved in with him to keep Dark from stealing any more art. So far, it hasn't worked. Dark keeps locking him in the bathroom," Chrissy said, glancing over another postcard.

"Is that everyone?" asked Britty.

"I think so," replied Chrissy, trying unsuccessfully to file away the letters.

"Good. Then let's go eat. I'm starving!" said Mitzy. Her stomach growled loudly, doing its best impression of a very angry-slash-hungry-slash-big tiger. She opened the door to leave… and found the way blocked by twenty big, burly, sweaty, muscle-y, football players with flowers in their hair. Quatre, Nuriko, and Raenef grinned from behind them. "We thought you should meet all the new friends we made at camp!" chirped Quatre. "Sorry about the door…they can get kinda enthusiastic."

The three shrinks laughed nervously.

"You have a lot more patients out there too!" piped Raenef, handing Mitzy a list. "We took the liberty of getting their names for you."

"Okay…" Chrissy said, reading the list over Mitzy's shoulder. "Cho Hakkai, Sha Gojyo…"

"Kyo and Yuki Sohma…Ayaame Sohma…" continued Britty.

"Relena Peacecraft…No surprise there, I guess," said Mitzy.

"Nagisa, Kaworu…" Mizty read, then stopped.

"MINE!" Chrissy yelled.

"Oh, nuh-uh! If anyone's gonna shrink Kaworu, it's me!" Mitzy yelled.

Britty sighed as the two shrinks rushed into the waiting room, still arguing.

"Here we go again," Britty sighed, following.

It was going to be a loooong day…


End file.
